The moment I wake up I open the calendar on my phone. Eyes half open, scrolling through the day of color blocked meetings, I get an immediate pit in my stomach. Another day full of things I should be doing. Trying to find small blocks of time where I can do something I actually want to do is like panning for gold.
I want my calendar to be full of things like writing this article, for example. Or, taking a walk. Or, making a delicious meal to eat with my husband. Maybe I’d like to play with my dog. Read a book. Oooh! I’d love to take a nap. (Yeah, I dream of napping when I first wake up. The same way I dream of lunch while I eat breakfast, and dinner while I eat lunch. I’m always a step ahead, alright?) But, then, I come back to reality. I need to do things that are expected of me and that, hopefully, pay me. Because I was born to please and pay bills, right?
The loud voice of society has convinced us that we should ignore what we desire in favor of fulfilling the desires and expectations of others. I’d like to unsubscribe from that.
Our pursuit of intrinsic fulfillment at the cost of disappointing those around us— that's rebellion. Our resistance to the unrelenting pressure to please others and, to instead, put ourselves first— that’s what gives us room to live with intention. The incredible result of living based on what we want to do and not what we should do—that’s what I call the beautifully selfish life.
I’m a blossoming rebel. One step I’m taking involves that morning calendar. I try to find at least one thing that I can cancel every morning. When I’m feeling extra feisty, I decline meetings altogether so they never make it to my schedule in the first place. This way, I can free up some time for myself to serve myself. I know I’m going to disappoint someone, I’m scared every time I do it, and I can’t do it every day. But, I’m trying.
Living in this world on my own terms—intentionally resisting what short-term greed promises, and instead, running toward my long-term fulfillment—it’s the most beautiful kind of rebellion.
I believe a life lived based on looking inward to discover who I am and what I want is a full life. It’s a healthy life, an abundant life, a beautifully selfish life, and a life I can call my own. Living in this world on my own terms—intentionally resisting what short-term greed promises, and instead, running toward my long-term fulfillment—it’s the most beautiful kind of rebellion. And, it’s making me a better person. A more present person. A more engaged person. A more loving person.
I invite you to rebel with me. What will you do today to build your beautifully selfish life? What action can you take to serve yourself first?