Confidence isn't everything
When it comes to trying something new, I used to find myself saying, “I just don’t feel confident enough.” And then, I wouldn’t try. Growing up I was always told, “Confidence is everything.” Confidence gets a lot of attention in our world. In fact, there’s a whole book about it called The Confidence Code, where authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman write, “Confidence is the purity of action produced by a mind free of doubt.” You’re telling me I need to have pure actions and be free from doubt in order to be confident? How is that going to help me when I want to try something new? How can I be free of doubt? How can I have purity of action when it comes to action I’ve never taken?
If confidence isn’t everything, what is?
Courage. We can muster it regardless of experience and it can be present with us before we act to help us act. Just look at Harry Potter. Can you imagine if he thought he needed to have a mind free from doubt and purity of action? That kid grew up under a staircase with zero knowledge of his magical powers until he was a tween. There’s no way he was going to thrive at Hogwarts if he needed to have zero doubts in his mind to take action. He was placed in Gryffindor and their house values are: courage, bravery, nerve, and chivalry. I’m not seeing confidence anywhere. He’s one of the greatest fictional heroes of our time. Confidence had nothing to do with it. In fact, most stories that feature triumph and success are centered on characters who’ve never done the thing that they need to do. That’s what creates the adventure! Confidence is kind of boring, it stifles creativity because it requires repetition to grow, and it keeps us on a loop. It’s important, but it’s not everything. And it certainly isn’t our catalyst for action.
Confidence is kind of boring, it stifles creativity because it requires repetition to grow, and it keeps us on a loop. It’s important, but it’s not everything.
If I believed that confidence was everything I wouldn’t do anything. I’m a person who is mostly afraid. Fear is usually the loudest voice in my head (next to hunger, but that’s a different article). Fear is great at reminding me that I’m an imposter, that I don’t belong anywhere, that I’m likely to get hurt, become embarrassed, or flat out fail. It’s a series of “What ifs” that never end with an imagined positive outcome. Fear creates doubt. And, if confidence requires a mind free from doubt, I’m in a pickle.
If I let confidence be the deciding factor for action, I might have never asked for my first promotion. In my early twenties, when interviewing with a CEO, I said that I would take the entry-level job I was applying for only if there was a commitment to promote me into a new role within a year. I had absolutely no confidence when I asked for this because it was a first for me. Honestly, there was a moment where I felt like I was floating above myself, the voice of fear in my head screaming, “What are you doing? You barely qualify for the job you’re interviewing for! You have student loans and you need this. You’re jeopardizing everything.” But, courage drowned out fear. It paid off. I got what I asked for. Plus, I earned a whole lot of respect in the process. What is so often missed when it comes to confidence is that it has to be built. And in order for something to be built, action has to be taken to build it. I can’t leverage confidence for something I’ve never done before.
Ah, but courage. Oh, how I love courage. When it shows up my “What ifs” are full of imagined positive outcomes. Courage reminds me that, yeah, I might be an imposter and it’s possible that I’ll fall flat on my face, but I should show up and try anyway! Because, what if I don’t fall down? What if I rise up? What if I help people? What if I learn something new and life changing? The most important thing is that courage always makes way for confidence to grow. It’s because of courage helping me work through imposter syndrome and past fear that I got that promotion, and that I’ve gotten many other things in my life that I’ve been brave enough to ask for. If I waited for confidence to be my driver, I’d still be wondering when I was going to try anything that mattered to me. If Harry Potter waited, he’d probably be working in some Muggle bank and wishing for something more (and the magical world would be in serious trouble). If I never asked for that promotion, I might not be where I am now in my career and I’d also be wishing for something more.
If I waited for confidence to be my driver, I’d still be wondering when I was going to try anything that mattered to me.
So, how can you put courage ahead of confidence?
When you want to ask for that promotion, try a new hobby, move to a new place, or do anything that you’ve never done before, remind yourself that confidence comes with experience, so partner with courage to take new action.
When imposter syndrome bubbles up, tap into courage and ask it, “What can I do to move past feeling like an imposter? What do I need to learn? Who can I ask for help?”
Remember: confidence is a result and requires action. If you’re trying to take new action, courage is the key.
Courage is a motivator that can help you take action and it requires no prior experience to exist. Make room for it. Let it sit with you when you’re full of doubt. I find it offers much better advice than confidence. And it’s a much more fun sidekick.